This is the home of Sleeping in the Meadows.

"Surreal and poetic reflections on life and imagination... told in 3rd person through the dreams and adventures of two beings, Sa and Atee." 

Saturday, December 13

Number Seventy Five

Sa layed his face upon the shore of the beach, under a strong warming, maroon sky. Splashing over onto the sand, trickling into tiny precious rivers streaming outwards crawling up his skin, was violet ocean water.

Sa pressed his face into the sand, leaving an imprint had he shall ever move.

Around Sa, light beams pierced through the reddening curtain of sky, from heaven they lasered to the ground.

With the planet revolving and the galaxy spinning, the radiating light beams rotated and danced spots all around. It evaporated the water and fluffed it into a scarlet fog, drifting away.

The cones and seeds opened and sprouted under the pure rays of light.

When the sky shook and lightning cracked the planet in two. When the water ignited and the light vanished. When darkness brought enmity and danger.

Sa smelled the humid rain vapors from islands on the ocean. Sa was reminded of lives where he was lost, exploring those islands. Of lives when he dove underwater beneath the ice sheets and glaciers in the winter. When he could feel the hidden stones and crystals on the ocean floor, where stars slept on their back and plants moved like aliens.

Sa remembered running out of oxygen and falling alseep, trapped under the ice. He remembered being alive under the triple canopy rainforest and running away from his village. He was approached by a tiger from behind. Sa could only look at it, petrified. The tiger didn't want to eat him, but Sa didn't know that. So when it turned its back to look for its meal, Sa pounced on it.

Someone from his village heard it roar and came to rescue him. It was too bad no one could save the tiger.

Sa remembered being on a beach much like this one. He looked across and saw himself standing on the other side looking back at himself. He tried to swim to the other side and meet himself. But as he approached his mirror-image he blinked and found himself stranded at sea.

Sa was saved by a light beam. It summoned him up to Heaven. He arose with the whole ocean around him.

He remembered a time when he couldn't talk. Ever since then, he never needed to say anything, he didn't need to say anything to himself either. He just listened to the spirits around him.

He remembered a time when he was walking with a mob around him. He wasn't a part of the mob, they just happened to be walking the same way he was. He didn't try to escape, he just felt curious why everyone was together. After some time, it crumbled away as everyone lost energy. And soon Sa was all alone again.

Sa could hear something moving under the beach. He didn't have a tool strong enough to reach so deep. He listened and every once and a while he would forget what he was listening to. But there was something there. Maybe it was nothing. So Sa just watched the water as it became part of the atmosphere.

Sa saw something rise over in the distance. Like the sun rising over the horizon. It was too soonly clouded and Sa couldn't stop imagining what it was.

The trees splintered and fell over with the wind. The sand spiraled into a twister. The water crashed against everything as huge tidal waves.

Sa was lifted from the ground. He layed on a titanic plate of planetary crust being seperated by the spiraling tornado.

The sky was heated by the lightning. Light was absent, the darkness lathered over everything.

Sa heard an ominous cry. It came from the bleeding, wounded planet, screaming in pain. It cried until there were no more tears left.

The lashing of the ferocious, hurricane winds; the cracking and clapping of the furious lightning swords; the bellowing, rasping whisper of the universe condemning this rebellious spirit murdering her daughter. The planet wanted revenge, Sa saw its eyes.

As Sa moved deeper into outer space, the darkness seemed to peel away. He felt cooler and he could move more freely.

The planet was soon powerless. Its gravity had no effect anymore. And as Sa slid away, the Galaxy thought of him as a sectarian rebel. No solar system was allowed to take him in, he would be forever on the run. Forever without a home.

It wasn't his idea to secede. In his imagination, he was still lying on the beach with his cheek pillowed against the welcoming warm sand. He could feel a slight breeze brush over his nose and a splash of water spit at him. Sometimes a beam of light would be cast upon him and too soon it would move away. Sometimes a butterfly or two would float over the foaming crest of a wave.

In his imagination he couldn't comprehend being suspended in space miles beyond the reach of his planet. In his imagination, he held the treasures of all his past lives and he would hold the memories of his future.

Up away and beyond the swearing and vengeful planet, he was being smuggled away by a suceding chunk of tectonics.

Sunday, November 16

Number Sixty Seven

Sa would roam and welcome the new world. Welcome the friends, the smiles, the songs and the tranquility.

He could still close one eye in a dream and feel out of place. He was almost somewhere he was not, looking out of one eye.

He wanted to be at a beach and he wanted to be a guest to a festival. And he was, just by the dream. And just by the dream, he was feeling the rain trickle. And just by the dream, he could smile with the rest of his new friends with the lovely rainbow connecting them to Heaven.

Sa knew that outside his dream, the rainbow was still spreading beauty. And outside the dream, time would still pause when it was asked to. When two eyes connected for the first time, time would pause. And when they connected for the last time, time would pause and the tears would stop for just a moment.

Sometimes when the world looked too small, space would reveal another secret. Just so that nobody would have to fear discovering it all. So that they could absorb the nightscape and be touched by a star.

And maybe the star would drop into their pockets and maybe a light would brighten up their life. And maybe a light could be the one to show them what's on the inside.

Maybe when space was too small, living beings would be granted tools to make their own world. Maybe it would be enough for them to cooperate and fulfill their dreams.

Dreams are just arriving during sleep, someday they will arrive during clear wakefulness. Maybe worlds will bump into each other, maybe out last goodbye is just until a dream reunites us. And when mirrors can reflect the future, our memories will recall our true selves.

Mistakes we regret, who knows, life is blind. Heaven is blind. To be blind is to be one with grace, and to walk with divinity and to be a medium for love to connect us to others.

It isn't our eyes which brought us into the world, it isn't by our eyes that we make friends and it isn't because of our eyes that we aren't content with misery. It isn't our eyes that make us dream or lets us feel warm around people we trust. It wasn't the blind who peered inside themselves preaching it was empty. It wasn't the blind who argued light doesn't exist.

Its the blind that can laugh without inhibitions, who can open a closed heart or a calm the distressed.

When Heaven cries, it isn't crying because it lost something, it cries because their are too many tears, it can't keep them forever. It wouldn't leave room for the angels.

And if you ever see an angel cry, it is crying because it knows your own sorrow.

Sa was told to never be too busy for love. He learned that meant he could never be too busy for his family and, later he knew to include his true friends. He learned that meant acting with goodness and compassion. He learned that meant to never neglect the flowers and petals in his life. He knew that meant those few special times when his imagination was turned towards the light. He knew that he couldn't be too busy for an angel. And he learned that there was no room for any business.

And so Sa was always a receiving end when the clouds were giving. And he was always a giver when the mountains shrunk and the clouds receded.

Sa didn't want to see through things. He wanted to imagine multidimensional people. He could forsee immeasurable beings.

He could feel hinself dragged sluggishly by a movement more massive than all his dreams. He could see it in other people. Some were left behind, cleaning their glasses and tying their shoes. He called but they had earmuffs to cover their ears. He looked and waved, desperately. He was hurt to leave them.

He didn't know where he was going. It was hard to blindly trust, especially when so many were staying. They didn't even seem to notice his departue. He wanted to be a child again. He wanted to be unchanging, he wanted everything to sort out on its own. He wanted to be full of wonder with eyes so large a fish could sink into one. What a miracle it was that he was alive. And what a mariacle he could be in the middle of such maginificient endeavours. And where does his destiny lead him, and nobody could tell him.

He could just look from left to right and suddenly he was within another memory. Tender and quiet, relaxed and suspiciously comfortable. Maybe he belonged there. It was always a temptation to move back to the past. It was wise to live today. If he never lived today, he wouldnt have any memories.

And if he had a crystal ball, he would know that his dreams were soon to come true. Much sooner than he could anticipate. If only he knew his fate, he would question exactly what his dreams were. He would be wise to dream of lasting fulfillment, eternal peace and love and contentment.

It was simple enough sometimes. He always reflected on times when, if he had the discipline and wisdom, he would have remained simple. We have only one brain for a reason, to remember that things are meant to be simple. We would be born with many brains if our lives were meant to be so complicated and troublesome.

Sa could jump off a building, but that's not what he wanted for his life. But, what did he want? He wanted to dream and he wanted to spend his life with her. Where had she gone? Sometimes she was there when he dreamed and when he came back to reality she was gone. He wanted to meet her and be happy and dream a life of their own, everlasting and creative beyond imagination.

Funny how often his soul would move out of the scene. And when it was back, he knew. And when his soul was around, he could warm up the whole room. And he could look for her in every place. His soul kept his head straight and heart strong, and his eyes open. His soul was the glue of goodness that kept his whole being pursuing the truth.

And at times he could forget his soul, but just by chance it would be recalled to the surface.

And it was still a secret to him how to rewind time. He was yet to be sipping hot chocolate for the first time, again. He was yet to see the sun for the first time, again.
However, he was yet to see her for the first time.
He was yet to be in love with her, for the first time.
He was yet to dream upon the experience and he was yet to see Heaven.
He was yet to see Heaven.

Number Sixty Nine

Atee remembered a dream she had had. She didn't want to remember. Sometimes it was better to not think about certain things. Sometimes she just wanted to bury her head in the sand until she was too old to remember anything.

She could walk and talk and go through all her parts fine. She could play by the rules and follow the script. She would just go through the motions and life was so easy.

And a dream would try to meet her during the day. It would try to pull her into the sky or sink her through the ground.

Atee could surrender and go through a dream or two. But, she would just cry. Every moment spent in a dream was a moment she spent in a photograph. She hated being still and she hated faded colors. She wanted out of the past, she would rather pass unnoticed than live through history.

It was remarkable when the rain fell before the sun, as it waited at its highest point. It was remarkable when the snow fell and the sun couldn't melt it, it was remarkable when white light reflected off the ice crystals and blinded the planet.

It was remarkable when the planet spun itself into a coma and froze over.

Atee predicted an earthquake would split the core in half. She would see the other half splitting away. The infernal mass would float away downstream, towards another star. And she would learn to live with everyone on her side. The halves could split again and everyone may have to find a new planet.

She refused to fly all alone.
She refused to wait and watch, she refused to carry all the flowers.

She couldn't always tell what she saw. Was it a tree, or a parent. Or something to kill for fuel. Was it a lush planet or a seed, or a single cell.

And what did she see in herself, where was she. She knew where everyone else saw, but what did she think.

And where did this light come from. The world got it from the stars. But where did the stars get it, is there light without stars?

She knew if she sat in the dark, she didn't make any of her own. She was just an empty container.

She could imagine beautiful light showing from her eyes.

She could imagine a tangible ghost. She could imagine an unbounded attachment, a bond so free and limitless. She could hold her hands together and trap light inside, only by imagining. Only by her imagination she could share light, could she wrap it in a package, could she cherish it in her heart.

She didn't have enough time to learn to forget. And she could only sleep until her toes tingled and she sat up. And she could only stand until the wind knocked her down. It was by her own balance that she fell and, it was by her own concentration that she made mistakes.

Some songs were made to be silent. It wasn't only her that delighted in a bathtub of warm air. It wasn't just a snake that enjoys new skin.

She prayed once that she should be able to hear the trees and the clouds and the galaxies and the whole cosmos. They didn't exist to be merely seen and felt. She couldn't always hear what she could see.

She had a lost friend in all the places her first breaths went to. She'll make more unknown friends when she spends her first days in the ground. She will give up all she ever accumulated without question. They will have no one to thank when they become what she was.

Nothing changed for her. She had been zero before today and tomorrow she will remain a zero. Just one glorious day to be alive and revel in a mess. One moment to shine and compete with all the others. Just a mere second to wake up and see the sun, to taste the water and touch the sky.

And nothing changed the next time when the rest went through the same thing.

One was listening to the rain splatter against the shingles above their head. One was rolling down a grassy hill into a flowery knoll. One was looking one last time at his planet he had promised to return to. One was inside a closet hiding from the world. One was singing a song.

She couldn't be so lucky. She couldn't be anymore. Her hour was over. She would watch if she could. She would spare everything but her consciousness just to see the world for another day. She didn't know what good her soul was if it didn't help her get back to Heaven.
She didn't know what good her money was when she couldn't buy back the life she lost.
She didn't know what good her music was when it couldn't follow her out of the world.
She didn't know what good it was to be popular when there was nobody left when she arrived.

She could keep her memories and she could keep her hope and dreams.

She would trade her hope and dreams for a friend, if she could.
She would trade her memories for a little happiness.

Number Seventy

Maybe tomorrow someone would call and nobody would be around to hear it.

Maybe Sa would be all alone, looking for the strength to stay. Searching for his inner temple, searching for the courage not to give in. Just any day, he may be looking for her and she wouldn't be there anymore. The name wouldn't mean anything.

For now, he could still look inside.

Maybe tomorrow he wouldn't be around to.

He knew there were things inside he didn't want to find. He didn't have the will to confront them.

For now, he would just say yes and keep on walking. If he kept moving he didn't have to see, he didn't have to be anywhere.

Someday there would arrive a great light, blanketing over everything. It would bring joy and friendship, at the expense of secrecy. Sa could feel good under the light but there were a few things he would have to lock inside.

He wasn't allowed to talk about the hurting when he saw someone disappear into the light. He wondered what else he couldn't share.

The next day, Sa saw another someone disappear. They were just raking their leaves and they vanished. He thought he had seen into the future. He thought he must have foreseen their inevitable passing.

He tried but no one would listen. He tried to put it away inside. But, it wasn't soft, it wasn't natural. It wasn't a good fit, it was meant to be shared in a dialogue.

He ran away from the light. No more secrets.

He ran to a great shadow he imagined. No more secrets.

He felt his feet disappearing. He still felt himself moving, but it was as if his body was falling asleep from the bottom up.

His lower half was physically absent. No more secrets, he couldn't trap anything else inside.

Someone saw Sa disappearing. It hurt them too. They couldn't tell anyone either. They wanted to look away, but he was fighting so hard to stay.

Someday he knew he would have to make a choice.

He couldn't belong to two places at once.

A part of him was alive on Heaven. Another part was alive on the ground. He could take his chances and travel back and forth in his dreams.

He just hadn't prepared. He had to loosen his memories. He was soon to be free.

The someone watching couldn't see Sa anymore.
Sa was totally and vastly, immensely and incredibly, fast asleep.

Number Seventy One

Sa had just been defeated. He couldn't stand on his own legs anymore. They carried him everywhere.

They carried him off for display and he was shown to everybody, helpless and humiliated.

They looked and they wept. Nobody knew his sorrow.

Sa was relocated to a place far away from those he thought loved and cared for him. He couldn't even see them from down there. He just wanted to see them.

He was trapped, forever, never to be saved. Just like all the others around him. Nobody bothered to visit anymore. Once his usefulness had expired, so had their love.

He thought he knew what love was. But it was all an illusion. He thought forever and always. He thought eternal and everlasting. He never would have guessed.

His life wasn't even his. His life belonged to the ones who took it away. They went on collecting them, went on raising more children and collecting their lives. He would have held onto it, he would taken it with him. But, they didn't even look into his eyes.

He wanted to return and save every last spirit breathing underground.

Sa would continue until everybody was respected and allowed not just a voice, but a place. Just a space to be. Deny the space and they will lose all their time.

Time exists in space, and space exists in time.

Without any space, their futures are nullified.

Sa would rejoin any corner of the universe and remember himself to there.

Why not love forever and always?
Don't let time push you away, because it will escape you.
Don't forget the days you lost, however, don't walk backwards.
Don't waste your space, it won't wait around for you.
Don't believe you are irreplaceable, everything in nature gets replaced.

Remember yourself far away, relive with someone else, as another life, at another time, with the same love and the same soul.

Thursday, October 30

Number Sixty Six

Sa stepped out. He saw someone rolling out of bed, and he saw them awaking in a palace, a single star illuminated their chambers, flowers erupted out of vases and soft slippers grew around their feet.

They weren't preparing for work, in this view they were living in paradise. In this view they were alive forever. Nobody else saw this and this brought a weight upon his heart. And he promised to never forget this miracle.

Sa twisted. He saw leaves drifting to the ground, and he saw them rolling in bliss, a laugh brought them closer together. Colors left the ground and swirled around into whisps around and around, higher and higher painting rosy and painting aqua, painting cool and painting warm. The leaves sunk into the colors and vanished.

Sa opened his window. Out there, beyond where the clouds formed, before where colors ended, beyond where the seeds fell, before where beauty and love were lost. When grapes and time sat in bowls and when the winds reversed to return to their source.

Wednesday, October 1

Number Sixty One ©

Atee had a dream.

Everybody was alive. She met people who no one had ever written about. People who had live forever ago, people who were dead yesterday.

All of the colors were back, she saw the colors missing from the leaves and the stars.

All of the rivers flowed into one. All of the lakes and seas were connected to the ocean.

There were kids collecting stones and building statues of the birds and the fish. There were fish floating lazily and fish swimming boldly into the deep waters to impress their friends.

Above the ocean, sometimes their was an, open magnificent sky. Sometimes their was a grand canopy and the waters beneath were cool and covered in moss and vines and all plant life. Trees sprouted from the bottom of ocean floors.

Atee could dig a deep hole in the ground and see into other worlds. Their skies were parallel to her's, their beings walked perpendicular to her's.

She climbed into another world. She floated down the lazy river and watched spiders construct webs across the whole sky. They would catch the rainbows and carry them down underground to their homes.

Sometimes the rainbows would escape and arc out of the earth. Atee would just walk and nearly trip on a rainbow bending out from beneath her.

Atee was convinced the lazy river was a moving ocean. All of the water flowed in one direction. But, it was so wide, she couldn't see land on either side of her anymore.

She was afraid she would fall of the edge of the world. She didn't want to be offered a place in heaven, she just wanted to see the world from the beginning. And she didn't want to be offered an extra dimension to hide treasures in, she just wanted to feel water for the first time, again. And she didn't want to offer anything to the beings with nothing, she just wanted them to feel the theme setting their lives.

She knew somewhere in this world, there were a few dances that hadn't yet been danced. And there was laughter waiting to escape thick heads and heavy faces. That when she would visit tribes drinking coconut milk and eating sticks, she would have just her smile to offer.

As she stared at the sky, another bird got caught in the spider's web. The spider didn't want anything to do with the birds, it was a common misunderstanding. The spider apologized and freed the bird, no hard feelings.

There was always mischievous rascals that wanted to splash and play games with her in the water. And there was always the second sun which rose as the first descended, and it brought deep warm colors. The water reflected gold and deep rose. The wind would fade, the trees would slip into sleep.

She never spent time peeling apples or cutting corners. She put all her eggs in one basket. She waved to nothing in particular.

Always, she wanted to have pictures of these places. And after she had the best day of her life, she would have an even better day. And after she saw what she hadn't expected, she would be surprised again. And if the sky disappeared, she would crawl through the hole into the other world. And if she awoke as a different person, she would melt into their heart and she would dissolve completely. There wasn't anything worth separating from, there wasn't anything real that she could say no to, not a single iota of reality worth ignoring. It was her blessing to be be alive as another person, and it was her blessing to be alive as herself now.

It was pure pleasure to witness, the waves crashing into the sky. To imagine the ripples through the sky, to see the rain leaking through. To wish upon angels and to just glimpse at their halos.

Whether it was shining brightness or shining darkness, Atee had eyes for both. Atee had a hand for the heavy and for the light, legs for uphill and downhill, a single tongue for bitter and sweet. Every moment she could breathe was an opportunity to remember her life, to dream of the future, to jump into love.

Sometimes, Atee just couldn't get out of it. It just wasn't her place to be out.

It was daytime and all of the stars were visible. The air was warm and she was felt so good just breathing.

And she could hold herself above the water and she could wish the dream away. Or she could wish herself to the most distant planet. She could wish that the dream be transferred to someone else's head, or she could wish that the world be filled with free dreams. Just pick one up and leave one for someone else. Everyone could see all of the beautiful places she had been too for themselves.

Tuesday, September 16

Number Fifty Nine ©

Atee sat up. Something had alarmed her. She stood up. Her ears stood high, she listened.

She walked towards the sound. She thought maybe it was just the wind. She was outside, she began to feel it was just her.

She had panicked for nothing. The animals weren't running after anything. The bees buzzed to and fro around the garden. The leaves fell from the trees, a silly bear was eating all the honey, the fished splashed in the cool, fresh water.

Atee was still outside, aware but ignorant. Her mind was empty, uncluttered, no presumptions or demands. All around her, floating and fluffy, the air was soft as a cloud.

Where was she suppose to be? At the pool! Her friend was waiting. She always forgot about her friend. They waited and had so much patience for her.

She kicked the walnut shells in her way. A monkey was swinging from the branches. It would cross in front of her and switch trees. She couldn't help but laugh as it was always in her way.

She just couldn't wait to take a dip in the pool. Maybe she would eat some ice cream. The more she thought about it, the warmer the day seemed.

The trees were taller and taller as she went this way. As if she were entering a forbidden area, some endangered nature zone.

She wondered if this was the right way to the pool. She didn't have a map. She just grew sad. This part of the world she had been to before. So many places she managed to accidentally avoid. She didn't come her to hide, but she knew that it was it looked like. She didn't come to bend the leaves and start a fire, she was just her by mistake.

It was time to trip and splatter her face in a mud puddle. Just to bring some clarity to herself, just maybe she would turn around and leave.

The path was too long for her to walk alone. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to think, but it was how she felt.

It was about to rain, she could always tell. She could walk forever in the rain. And when the world ends, she will be okay if there's rain.

The monkey was with a whole organization now. They picked bananas and then ate a giant banana meal together in the trees. They wrestled and tried to push each other off onto the ground.

Atee would have loved to wake up as a money some day. Just for a day.

The rain was pouring harder. Branches feel from the trees, the monkeys escaped to somewhere for shelter. No matter if she even tried, a storm couldn't frighten her. Even if it struck down all the trees and everything around her, even it closed the pool.

She hoped the path didn't bend, because she was just walking straight now. It had been straight this far. As the trees grew higher, the forest grew darker.

Atee started to run. And once she started she couldn't stop. She just moved with the momentum. Each step reinforced the next.

Up ahead the rain couldn't penetrate through the canopy. It just dripped like a leaky pipe. She couldn't tell the difference between this forest and a luxurious water park. It was humid and every step was a splash. She didn't have a single care, as if she she were on vacation.

Once the rain couldn't reach her, she felt a bolt of liberation. This was her own fortress, or a palace. She could look up to the sky and she saw level after level of ecosystems and animal hierarchies. She couldn't understand why this place wasn't famous.

The bushes were smooth and waxy. The older they were, the better benches they made. This place was better than the pool, she never ever considered having so much fun inside before, but that's basically where she was now.

She reclined onto a bush like a bed and just watched the games being played above her. The animals learned in small school groups, then went to another tree and spent time with their families. They swung down to see their friends.

She had never been in a place so safe and huge before. In every direction there were so many places to explore, small coves and waterfalls, fresh water springs and flowing streams, tall cliffs and hills, valleys and ridges.

It took her a little while to truly appreciate the music. Every sound had a natural rhythm and would repeat. All of these sounds at once, that alone captivated her. And yet, she could sing and not disturb anything, the music wasn't disrupted. She was fully free.

She couldn't stay forever, however. She hated to make her friend wait so much. If only they would just travel with her, at her side, they could always be together and they would have way more fun.

She tried to walk straight and continue her same path from before. And who knows how long until this place would end. She thought maybe she had started something irreversible.

Thank goodness for a breeze. She just moved with the wind. "Wherever it goes, I will go" she thought. Maybe she would arrive at the pool, maybe not.

The wind was going to the city. The pool was outside the city.

As soon as she stepped out of the forest, she could see the pool. Her heart beat fast and filled with joy. She always felt so delighted knowing she would be where she wanted. From the soles of her feet to the top of her head, she was rejuvenated. If she had ever spent any energy, it was back. She just wanted to dance and forget all about it, she didn't even have to be at the pool anymore. She felt so good already. But, she would keep her word. "Don't worry, I'll be there" She thought to her friend "Trust me. Keep the faith."

It was a long walk but nothing compared to what she had just done. She didn't look back, she knew she wouldn't be able to restrain herself from running back. She just had to keep telling herself that places like that are everywhere. That whatever happiness she feels is already there, just below the surface, waiting for any excuse to emerge. She just smiled.

There were a lot of people at the pool. No tension or high blood pressure, no stress or rage. She hadn't even taken notice that it had stopped raining.

She was ready to float on the surface and drift asleep. She told her friend "I'm here. Now let me be. I'll see you when I wake".

Monday, August 25

Number Fifty Four ©

Atee asked for directions. They asked where she was intending to go. She told them that's why she was asking. They thought they were sure she could think of some place to go. But, she just asked them to direct her.

Finally, one of them decided to help her. This one was the only one truly concerned about friendship. Someone to travel through life with, someone who would surrender to the earth, to renunciate all weakness.

It was the power of the word that she lived her life by. When the word was quiet, she lived quietly. When the word was a shout, she lived out loud.

She borrowed a pattern from a butterfly and wrapped it around her wings.

Her friend was authentic and true in her presence. The ferocious panthers were calm around her. Some beings played drums as Atee and her friend walked past their settlement. Something compelled her to look at the mountain rising higher and higher. The transparent music kept her senses fresh and her head innocent, curious and pure.

Her friend suggested they stay and share a meal at their settlement. They stopped the drums for the meal. Atee was always in wondrous awe at the power of food. Her body was just food. Inside she was replacing her weak parts with new ones.

Food taught her her first lessons on balance. How much to eat to create as much energy as necessary and how to feel grateful and give back. Ultimately, she would provide food to the world around her. That would be her last meal. She would think of this sometimes after eating too much. The only times she was very serious was during stomach aches.

Her friend had joined the band. Atee felt so fortunate to have met everybody. In a day, all in one day. She wanted to start this day as new year's, or at least, as the beginning of the month. She thought it over while the paced, listening to the drum music. She decided she would start her life over from this day.

Yesterday was a past life. Tomorrow doesn't exist. Today was a new life. And such a struggle it had been already! And such a party, and such fun! Such excitement, so much to reflect on as she drifted off to sleep later.

To prepare to sleep, she would wrap the day into a knot, starting from that moment until the second she had awoken. She knew she could spend a long time preparing tonight.

Her friend played the whole concert with the band. They gave an encore. Atee was waiting for the encore in her life. An encore to her sleep and dreams. An encore for breakfast and supper, an encore for happiness and peace, an encore for pain and bitterness, an encore to love and friendship.

Maybe her whole life was an encore. Atee existed as the encore to yesterday. Everyday, she was called back to stage. They applauded but never criticized. There was nothing she could do on that stage that would be wrong. Everything that could ever happen to her was natural. Nature never supplied something unbearable.

Atee pranced onstage as a flower of eternity. She was applauded and was cheered on to give another performance.

She turned her face to the curtains and jumped backwards onto the crowd. They held their hands in the air and carried her like a feather. She closed her eyes and could swear on her weightlessness.

The world was looking for new ways.

New ways to express and be expressed. Atee was just a reflection of these shadows. She could stand only on ground. She could swim only in water. She couldn't jump without gravity, and she couldn't draw without a pencil.

It looked like nothing was going to change. She just rested her bones. The crowd passed her back and forth. She slid like a slippery ice cube.

Her friend woke her up and had to tell her of the perfect forms backstage.

Atee was outside her whole life. There wasn't anywhere else to be. Inside was just another name for outside the outside.

Atee and her friend were both ready for a wish. They thought of all the birthday cakes, wishing wells and shooting stars. They thought someone was destined to wish them.

Maybe they missed it, or they had already been wished. Maybe their asking was the wish itself. Their freedom may just be a wish. Their wishes may be someone else's wish. In this way, wishes were one. The wish already was, just waiting for realization.

A whole galaxy of stars went marching to the other end of the cosmos. But, one single light stood still, spinning itself a spiral. Some stars went back into space, others closer and closer. Becoming what they were not, wishes into wishes.

Atee was there when the stars entered the atmosphere. She was there when they came right to her. She was there when it was no larger than a marble. All the stars in the sky, just marble size. Nevermind what everyone had been told, Atee held it in her hand.

She walked down to the shore with her friend. She dreamed. She called out her friends name, they didn't hear her. They put their hand against the handprints fossilized into the trees. She took them by the hand and they stepped through the luscious, rich, green grass to the river.

Atee tossed the marble into the river. It floated to the surface and a star descended into the sky. Her friend tossed in a lemon from a lovely tree growing above them. Sunlight breathed life into the dream. Her star was hidden by the healthy, blue sky.

She knew this life was only dreamable once. She prayed others could be dreamable. That they could spread their beauty even during sleep to other dreaming souls. She knew her friend was only dreamable once. Who knows what would happen when she woke up. She wanted the stars to enlighten the isolated and the lost.

She was under a single star.

She swam into the water, she descended into the sky. She took the sun and dropped back to earth. She held the source in her hand, all flowed out. Atee knew her friend could feel it.

The sun was a lemon, the sky was a mirror.

The impressions she received were fish in the water and the stars in the sky.

The angels tumbling down hills and splashing in the puddles were the children who would never die.

She had known heaven to be right within that lemon. A heaven grew for everybody.

Saturday, August 23

Number Fifty Two ©

Sa and Atee, their bodies fell into hills of dust and were blown away by motion. Love animated the motion. An invisible hug embraced the sun.

Secluded places beside rivers and wildflowers, refreshments for athletes, legs for the decrepit, warmth for the forgotten, color for the blind, a laugh for the intellectual and the miserable, tea for the silent, air and water for the wise.

A play at the source. costumes wearing masks and wigs. The audience was dressed too. Jokes dropped from the sky and filled the water bowls.

Dust moved fast. Even when the day was dark and the bushes were noisy. The cracks in the earth moved slowly. Lava was fighting for a breath of fresh air.

The keys were all stuck in their holes. The locks shouldn't have been made at all. Locks destroyed the capacity for trust.

Atee was a refuge.

Sa could feel a fragrance hovering around his trails. As lonely followers traced his path, they too felt the fragrance. They spread it wherever they went. Their balloons were inflated with it, their quills penned with it, their tubs were full of, their clothes were cleaned with and their homes were supported by it.

The fragrance was present around Atee. Trees grew and fishes were born of it. The birds flew in circles overhead, the prehistoric mosquitoes transferred it body to body and dragonflies defended their mountains and castles with it.

It inculcated strength. It brought them closer to themselves. It opened their windows and went outside.

After a million years, dreams would replace reality. Sleeping worlds would dream new worlds to be dreamt. Only a single seed would bear the past and future.

Belly up, that's how beaches meditated.
Fingertips to the sky, that's how mountains meditated.
Upside down, valleys.
Whirling in circles, tornadoes and hurricanes.
On and on, moment to moment, locking hands with life, never wavering, like a stream.
In and out of dreamed reality, Sa and Atee.

Friday, August 22

Number Fifty ©

Sa penned two verses into the fictional memoir of his life. One, a parable on the fading longevity of vision. The other, a silent song.

When he peered under the covers, what he saw is what he had been told. When he took off his glasses, his connection to time branched into new interests. He would periodically connect with differences as the connection touched the peripheries around.

Sa looked for where it was hiding. Something, what was in his drawers. Or on the shelves? What about the neighbor's house? Underneath it all, around the sides of it all. Searching and digging. his paranoia grew. So many things that grew around him, left alone. It could be anywhere. He wanted to know for himself. He flipped over every question, reversed every answer, looked through the eyes on the other side of the painting.

When he saw through, he realized they too were his eyes. Anything he saw through was his eyes. He couldn't see something, and not be behind his own eyes.

He could place his hand on the glass without pushing it through. He could look at a window and he could see through it. Just as he could watch or a dream, or live it. He could feel his heart, he could wear it on his sleeve, or he could pump his blood through other veins. It was his idea of love, one shared blood flow, when all of our hearts pump life through one another.

When a softness was comforting pleasure for this hand and that hand. When behind all the eyes and voices was one flowing bloodstream. When this beginning in one being was a beginning within us. When the falls between planes were also the planes between falls. When what we know was all we had to experience and the return to soil was our one and only.

Wednesday, August 20

Number Forty Nine ©

Atee rested on a high place. but couldn't jump. Somewhere she wanted to jump, somewhere she knew it would happen. Somewhere the light switch was off, somewhere she couldn't see her head in the mirror.
She stared straight down. It was heavier than she was. Maybe she could float, like a boat.

She turned away. She hadn't reached the top yet. Higher she would endeavour. Trek into the heavens. Atee looked up, up and away.

Multiple springs bubbled with gas. Atee would never see them. Atee would climb back down. What had taken a hold of her, brought her back to a high place.

She looked out over the bottom. If she looked straight ahead she could neglect this drop. It wouldn't eat her alive. She allowed dignity to slide off her shoulders.

"There is no going back now" Atee whispered to her ears.

No manifestation of her own could save her now. Not a single ghoul or soul could swoop down and lift her again. Not a cloud could fall, not a sky to cry for her.

She put her eyebrows together, and stepped. She lost her sense of goals, her orientation was liquid flowing. The pit welcomed her. Atee was dethroned from her high place.

It would happen again. And when life stroked deep, warm breaths through her, bells wouldn't ring. And when a soil field felt hurt by her, when she didn't reach to make an open relationship with an open, empty hand, a presence would reciprocate a slash of negligence and blindness for her.
When tunnels collapsed before her and bridges turned to ashes, she realized she was wrong when she thought she could always say "I can". Sometimes, she knew she couldn't.

When a desert brushed footprints of hers away, when a blizzard erased her tracks and rain washed away and sponges scrubbed away, she would land like a branch from a tree.

Over precious rounded stones. She saw the process of erosion, she felt it like attrition when she ached. She felt herself rounding away, smoothing and polishing. Like a stone, she carried herself like a locket, or a ring or a jewelry box.

She spoke and everything was busy. She closed her lips and the roots absorbed more nutrients. So soft, this presence catered to her, just as it touched everything, all the others and all the "not yets".

A knock on her door summoned her to come home. She knew she would arrive late. The lights would be low, the music would be dying.

Her prism was incomplete.

Atee wiggled into a cozy, baby sweater. She sipped coffee like her grandmother. Trees outside the windows filtered wind to jingle chimes through the passage of an open door. Colored glass bent light, grandmother looked silly with a multicolored face.

Together, Atee watched two falcons hunt and prey.

Atee would never forget to be receiving to blessing. Atee reached a gloveless hand into the fountain of inspiration. A little now and then kept her heart in a spiral of passion. No corners or edges.

All on one, Atee designated a team captain from the best looking specimens in her garden. A brown beetle and a swarm of bees. "How will I ever get these two to compete?" She thought.

She wouldn't take a leadership role again. Electrifying hears and minds she could leave to the military.

Ahead of her sense of self, an endless angle. She couldn't get out and measure it, she was an unmoving, static vertex. Just one among infinity.
No sides, no curves. Just a hanging tiny circle to the upper-right of a number.

With a pair of scissors, Atee could do some things she wouldn't dream of.

From hand to hand she could experience existence. She didn't need a sundial or a bucket. Filling something with emptiness, she could sell it to a hole. She carried dice in her hands, she lived out loud, she bathed in sun juice. She punched sorrow with her knuckles, she ate with a spoon, she read in the darkness.

A belief in forever distracted her from the forever now. She sat under an apple tree, with a basket to catch the falling apples, philosophizing about apples. "What to think?" She should have asked. Instead, she thought of the core and the skin as she sliced it with a blade. Too much energy she wasted altogether under a simple tree in the midst of light.

Even as the earth gave its charity to all of space with its vines and grapes, stars continued to explode and forget to care. Outside the beautiful sphere the earth provides, is a non-sharing volume of chaos.

Whatever was tickling Atee was just enough. She fell onto the ground, she screamed with laughter. Her head disappeared. She looked like a dancer as she tried to escape whatever had its fingers poking at her.
It stopped and she opened her eyes. It felt like the first time. Where everybody was, was in communion with one another sharing and enjoying the company. Her breath returned and her grace poured out.

Saturday, August 9

Number Twenty Three ©

Sa was standing on the beach looking out over the sea. He felt so alone. Everybody was alive on the other side, the city was bouncing with activity. The beach was vacant, desolate.

A small boat was sailing across. Just the boat, nobody was in it.

The sky was grey above the beach; rainbows and birds danced over the city.

Sa dug his toes into the sand. He dug his feet into the sand. The sand wasn't grainy but smooth and silky, like round pearls. He continued to slip his shins into the sand.

Sa lifted a shovel out of the sand and began digging with it. The sand kept sliding back into this hole. He imagined this hole to contain a treasure chest.

He lifted the treasure chest out. He dropped it beside the pile.

The treasure box opened, nothing was inside. Sa crawled inside and let it shut, let it move back into the hole, let the sand fill the hole, let the shovel disappear.

Sa layed in that treasure chest so long that he lost track of time. He was living another life, by this time. Before long, that life had evolved into two lives. Again it split, into four lives. At each decision the life would split.

It grew exponentially. Sa was alive in uncountable lives. Uncountable families, memories and sensations. Sa no idea he was still in the treasure chest buried beneath the sand.

Sa was so many places at once. Slowly, but surely, his lives began to simplify themselves. Some light had been shown, many problems were peeled away. Confusions were being lifted and things and situations began to line up. Through millions of lives, this light was bringing clarity. Everything began making sense. His problems were silly. All of the trillions of conflicts were being resolved, all of complications just drifted away.

All of his lives were so vivid and fulfilling. Each one compelled more of his attention than the other. Sa disrupted the balance and put a tad more attention to just one. Instantaneously, one life dropped.

Sa scrambled to save it but several other lived were lost in the process. As he rushed to catch a few of those, they only vanished upon touch, they disappeared right before his eyes. Many more lived dropped away.

He didn't even try to save them. He whispered goodbye to all of the families, all of the friends and lovers he was yet to meet. He whispered goodbye to all of his mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters.

Lives fell all around him. He wanted to cry, but couldn't, not in front of all these memories. He didn't want them to see him this way. Just as everything was turning bright, he began crying.

The lives fell into piles all around him. The piles stacked so high, they formed walls. Sa couldn't even see above them.

He was surrounded by walls growing even taller and thicker. He stopped wanting to cry. He began feeling claustrophobic. There wasn't anywhere to escape to, his hands were gone, his feet were gone. He couldn't find them, he couldn't even find his eyes, or his mind. Everything was lost, even his life had fallen, even his dreams had fallen away. Sa tried to fall asleep but he was already sleeping.

Whatever compelled Sa to climb out of the treasure chest, would baffle him forever. It must have been his utter hopelessness, his complete lack of all freedom of action. That was the last time he ever got lost beneath the sand.

Number Twenty Seven ©

Sa peeled the skin off of an orange. It smelled so sweet. Sa didn't even want to eat it anymore. He put the orange skin into his hand and carried it outside. He set it down on top of his mailbox. He left the fruit inside.

He walked barefoot to the store. He didn't need shoes, or socks. He just thought of the natives on oceanic islands who are barefoot through rainforest and jungle.

He passed by several people on his way. They didn't mind. No shoes? Big deal! A few smiled at him. Sa felt a peculiar camaraderie with the people he smiled with. It was as if they knew something everyone else didn't. He felt like they all shared something special. It was reflected in their smiling faces and the gleam in their eyes.

Sa noticed the sky above him was an orangish-violet color, swirled together.

The store was closed. Sa didn't mind. He decided to keep exploring since he was here anyway.

He stuck his hand in the fountain. A couple heads popped up on the other side. Little kids were playing. They were still too short to see over the fountain. They had to hang on by their elbows and shoulders. They momentarily looked at Sa and then continued playing. Sa didn't bother them.

In fact, Sa didn't even notice the kids until they splashed water on him. He smiled and flicked water back. The two kids together, reactively, splashed more water back to Sa.

Sa decided he would play this game. He splashed, they splashed.

They went back and forth moving around the round fountain. Ducking and weaving and making lots of noise.

Time went past so quickly. Sa was getting exhausted physically, but the adrenaline from the excitement in this game kept him energized.

It was becoming dark. A couple ladies came walking with purses swinging at their sides, they both, pushed up their sunglasses and told the kids to come with them. The kids wanted to play with their friend longer. But all of the pleading and whining in the world wouldn't change their minds to let them play with a stranger. The kids went submissively as all children eventually must. They were visibly saddened and Sa felt sorry for them.

The kids waved goodbye and so did Sa. They never saw each other again. It was so tough to say goodbye. Sa had a knot in his stomach. He had to give in however and let it go, let them go.

The women didn't say goodbye, but Sa waved to them as they walked away, anyways.

It was too dark, he might get lost. Sa wasn't in an adventurous mood anymore. He just wanted to wake up when the sun was bright and the say was young. He walked home, barefoot. He didn't pass anybody by except for someone walking the same way he was.

They were several yards ahead. Sa didn't try to get their attention.

They turned away from the direction Sa was traveling, at the next turn anyways.

Now Sa was walking home alone. The feeling was oddly familiar and he wished he had someone to walk with. But, he didn't, so he walked quickly and shut the door behind him.

He went into the kitchen and ate the rest of his orange. When he awoke, he would spy on the mailman just to see if he would sniff the orange peelings.

Sa knew if he was a mailman and there were orange peelings on a mailbox he would be delighted to smell them. Just the thought of it cheered him up.

He concentrated on such a joyous mailman as he drifted to sleep. Such a mailman might be so happy that walking so much ,from house to house, may be transformed into pure fun. "What a happy world it would be if every one's work was pure fun, like play", Sa thought lastly before entering a dream.

Monday, August 4

Number Forty One ©

Sa saw Atee floating in the water.

The sun was smiling upon the whole beach. Atee knew Sa was trying to swim to her and, kept laughing to herself when the waves pushed him away.

Sa was so close. And then some dumb kid's float would get in his way. Or a fish would bite his leg.

Atee wasn't even floating that far from the beach. Sa was just a poor swimmer. She kicked, splashing water at him. A wave came and pushed him under.

It wasn't until then that he realized how deep the water was. There was miles and miles below them.

There was a glowing orange fish below, sparkling the water around it. It had crystallic scales, Sa wanted a closer view.

He swam directly below Atee and stared at the creature.

Atee looked around for Sa on the surface, she waited for his head to pop up.

Sa followed the fish as it guided him to its school. He could see it off in the distance. They came in all colors and forms.

They all floated around as if they knew Sa, and were expecting him. Maybe the orange fish was a recruiter.

"There is so much diversity down here" Sa thought. Even what he thought were pebbles and stones seemed to be breathing. Fishes with wings sailed and swallowed worms living in aquatic trees.

Sa marveled over the hugeness of everything. Not only was there a massive volume of space awaiting to be archived with millions of beings, but there was so much business. The pirate fish ate the moss before the stone carrier fish could hold it in between its fins and use it to build a stone home.

Sometimes a large ruling class species would echo orders down to the rest. Sometimes one of its own would rebel and begin attacking the ruler. All the smaller workers would then go into hiding for protection.

As Sa scanned the sponges at the bottom, the ocean floor began popping. Bubbles rose and the stuff the floor was made of was displaced. Some of the sea creatures took notice, but not enough.

Without any further warning, the entire section of ocean bottom erupted. All of the surrounding water ejected into the open sky. The blast was so incredibly loud, Sa thought it may have shattered his bones.

There was so much water in the air, some of the fishes were still able to swim around.

The water continued to rise, Sa saw Atee high above him. He wondered when they would begin descending.

Atee was still flat on her back as if she was still floating on the water. Maybe she was, Sa couldn't tell.

He was ensnared in a air pocket, alone. His own free breathing zone.

The mean fish were still playing their cruel tricks, biting unsuspecting, innocent swimmer fish.

The sky became diluted in color. And then Sa noticed another patch of water had been blasted into the sky, as well. That body was now between the sun and himself, channeling the light.

It was then, when Sa noticed that all around him, water was rising gracefully higher and higher into the sky.

The predatory birds had a good time, easily snatching their meals.

Sa thought this would be a good time to swim up to Atee. Somehow Atee knew because she had rolled over and signaled to him.

Sa kicked off the surface of the water which formed the floor of his air cell, and dove upwards into the water.

It was like a maze. And every fish clique owned their own quarters of the ocean. Sa didn't want to intrude on any of their business.

He had to take a long route and go around many of these aquatic clans. By this time, he was lost.

In fact, he may have un-noticingly entered an adjacent water block. It was hard to distinguish between swimming in the ocean above sea level and under sea level. He couldn't even tell that they were all ascending anymore.

He saw a paradisial tropic tree secreting sweet sap for young crustaceans. Sa swam over to it. As he got closer, he saw many more of the same thing behind it. It was a whole row of utopian shade givers. Somehow, it was all just perfect. Because, the sun was indeed shining upon this place particularly. The pale, sensitive creatures took shelter under these generous canopies.

Sa kept swimming too see what else existed that he wasn't aware of.

He saw a beach. All of the water, literally, splashed against its tender face of sand. Sa wanted to call for Atee but, its hard to talk underwater. Maybe she would show up on her own, despite his efforts. "She has a knack for that" he thought.

Sa noticed there wasn't anything on the beach. But, then he realized everything here was water breathing. Sa and Atee were mistakenly involved.

The water grew thinner and shallower and Soon his head poked through. He took a whiff of the warm, thin air. He had forgotten that he was still high above where the air had been thick and full. Sa kind of liked it, he felt playful from the beach but at peace and accomplished like at the summit of a mountain.

It was nice to finally feel the sun's complete warmth, he thought. Comparatively, it was cold in the water.

The sand was soft and smooth, he had the sensation that it was royalty sand and he was the prince. Maybe there was a castle nearby. Sa didn't even bother looking around.

He only looked at the non-rising water. And then he saw Atee floating there.

Without hesitation, he swam out across the water. He knew she could hear him because she turned her head the other way. He splashed water on her. She skipped her fingers across the surface, flicking water back.

He swam underneath her and waited for her to look around for him. When she turned her head, he let himself rise to her opposite side. He layed flat on his back like she did. She looked back to the sky. They could both feel each other peeking out of the corner of their inner eyes. They didn't ask any questions or think anything. They just felt the world press in against them and then release, pulsating with the energy omnipresent.

Friday, August 1

Number Twenty Eight ©

Sa watched the buildings pass by.

He saw in his leather seat, his chin resting on his palms, looking out the window of the train. The hills rolled past. The roads went away.

A woman sitting behind Sa kept kicking his seat to the rhythm of the bass in some song in her head. Sa didn't mind.

After a while it was quite meditative. He started to wonder what she looked like. He actually wasn't sure it was a woman, he just made the arbitrary assumption that it was. Possibly, it could be a man. Sa wanted to believe it was an intelligent, beautiful, articulate, very musically inclined woman. He didn't mind if they would only be friends, he was just happy to benefit from her giving him a tune to snooze too.

Sa woke up after falling asleep to the melody she created. It could be her own original creation, as well. Sa just assumed it was the recreation of an already existing beat.

As he awoke, her feet were still pounding percussions into his back. It wasn't loud, it was just light enough for him to feel but no one else to hear.

She might not have even noticed what she was doing. Maybe it just came from her unconscious, it may have been a habit for her to unconsciously tab her feet to exceptional rhythms.

Sa wondered if she travelled alot, if she took this same train every time. He wondered who she was sitting with, if anyone. He wondered what her childhood was like and what made her happy.

Maybe she was wondering who was sitting in front of her. Maybe she wanted to just kick a hole in his seat and have him turn around and peek through it.

He wondered where this train was going and where she was going afterwards. He didn't remember what he had gotten on her for, anymore. It wasn't a problem though. Sa wasn't obligated to be somewhere else. He could be anywhere doing anything in the world and be just fine.

In his mind, Sa began putting sounds to her kicks. Sometimes a cymbal, sometimes a horn, sometimes a snare drum, sometimes a funky guitar chord. His eyes closed themseles and Sa just listened to the music. He wanted more of this band. Maybe they would perform somewhere close by. Maybe he could get them to play for free.

Soon, his questions receded and only a small sliver of awareness was there to experience the melody. There was no other awareness. Just a minuscule slice witnessing this two-footed band orchestrate a hypnotic chant of percussion. It grew louder and more ambient.

Sa's eyes opened, as they always must, after several hours. The music was no longer, Sa hadn't even noticed. His eyes were staring straight ahead into the seat ahead. The person sitting next to him had been replaced. Replaced with another person, pretty much indistinguishable from the rest of the local population. They wore tall hats, very earthy colors, thick, heavy jackets- which appeared waterproof. A few of them had glasses, some carried brown cases, very full of traveling belongings.

Few people on the train lived on it. Sa could have been wrong with that assumption, but it seemed logical. They would have to pay for a ticket every stop. Maybe if passengers gave them money, maybe if they would perform and entertain them. Who knows, Sa just knew that everybody on the train looked similar.

He realized that she would probably look like one of them, too. He wanted to picture her differently but it was too good to be true, He thought that everybody probably kicked on the seat in front of them. She was probably not even a she. A man could have been making all those taps against his seat.

He tried to think of something else. His window was really, really clean. As if nobody had ever smudged it, or it was cleaned very frequently. Somebody had to do it, he figured. "What a job" he thought, "Scrubbing windows. Just so that vagabonds like me can see clearly".

He noticed that in the gap between his seat and the window was a space which revealed a very feminine silhouette facial reflection off the adjacent window. "Perhaps she was a she!" Sa was extraordinarily excited with this possibility.

"Her legs must be sore" He thought.

It was a refreshing turn of events.

His attentions returned to the tall man beside him. The man was very remarkably boring. His ere open, his mouth closed, very coarse heavy wrinkles with dry skin. He was clearly awake, but he never spoke or looked in Sa's direction, even to see out of the window. They could have doing off of a cliff or off the track and he would have had no way of being forewarned. Sa always checked out the window to be sure there was rails beneath them. He also liked to watch everything pass them by, and to watch the sky very hesitantly change. Sometimes the clouds transform into new forms. Morphing from one shape to another. With very elaborate pictures, one animal changing can affect the entire picture profoundly. Sa liked those pictures the most. Sometimes it was like watching a movie. Sa didn't have to do a thing but look and everything around him was alive and changing and fascinating.

For hours in a train, Sa wouldn't be bored. He wasn't even alone either. He could speak to anyone and they would reply. If he didn't, they weren't going to disturb him. Everyone left one another alone, mostly. This was the case in many of the places Sa visited.

Once in a while, the being swould be very eccentric. Sa wouldn't stay long in those places because he couldn't relax. Always they kept him at his sharpest with witty questions and compelling, suggestive gestures.

Something happened and Sa was filled with an overwhelming warm smile. He felt everything was in progress. Still incompletelStill perfecting. There was so much waiting for him. Still so much to enjoy. So much to relate to and to be blissful with. So much to be there for. So much that will happen of its own. All in due time. This overwhelming smile just held him warmly. And Sa gave it.

Number Thirty Four ©

Atee turned all of the lights on. She raised them to max. Wherever she went, she was too blinded to think. With her eyes closed she still could see the light. Her eyes were throbbing, they must have been swollen to twice their size. She couldn't even turn off the lights if she wanted too, she couldn't find them. She felt immaterial.

Her skin was warmed. Every once and a while she passed by a source of heat. It must have been the light. Too hot to touch, but she did anyways. She fumbled with the switch. Her fingers went numb and she didn't know how to move them. She pulled away. It was useless.

She brought her hand too her face. She could see a faint red flow outlining its shape.

It began to regain feeling, but only pain. She thought hot lava was flowing through, down her wrist into each finger.

She lost her mind.

Drums and chanting resonated around a central fire. The dancers were missing, where could they be?

Hiding in the bushes?

The dirt was being kicked around by invisible feet. The entrances to the camp were being opened and shut by invisible bodies.

The chants were louder in certain spots, as if an invisible mouth were originating the sound from there.

Rain fell from the sky. The sky lost color with each drop that fell, soon it was pure white. There were no clouds.

The rain didn't affect the fire. But, it soaked her skin. She stepped into the fire. No heat. They weren't real flames.

The trees moved, her hair was blown all around. The wind whispered in her ear. She couldn't hear a thing, she only felt it, tickling.

The rain fell, all of it. The ground was underwater. The water began to move. All the water flowed to the left. She followed, stepping through it. It moved around the twigs and flowers and rocks. Nothing, not a single bug, floated in the water.

Atee kept following it. Over logs, through tall brush. There came ahead a steep, massive hill. The water had no trouble maneuvering up the slope.

Atee layed down flat, hoping the water would carry her but it left her behind. Now she had to catch up.

She dug her fingers and toes into the muddy surface, gaining a slippery grip. She climbed to the top.

The water was flowing like a river down the opposite side. Atee wasn't even tired. She slid down the hill. The water led her to the beach. It flowed into the infinite ocean and disappeared.

Atee swam into the water and layed down on her back. She let the ocean carry her away.

Number Forty ©

Atee was walking through waves of slimy ooze. The slime was omnipresent wherever she stepped.

Finally she stepped out. She stepped into an oasis of steam. The steam sweated all the toxins from her skin. Not a drop of oil remained stuck to her.

A round bowl of steaming water was before her. She lowered herself into it. She lowered her face beneath the surface of the water, keeping her eyes open. She completely relaxed.

The glass beneath her broke and she fell into the sky.

It didn't seem real until she saw the earth colliding into her. She was also still above, watching from the bowl above the sky.

She knew something bad had happened. She wasn't moving, just lying there.

Through the clouds she could see the sun rising from behind the planet. She felt good. At least the sun still rose. At least the trees and flowers could still feel the light and the love.

Even if she couldn't move, she knew she could feel the sun. At least she hadn't fallen into a hole, or a cave.

The steam surrounded this oasis with a perfect mysterious cover. She heard another's steps walking through this myst. She felt so gracious that they didn't get stuck in the ooze. "How many must still be lost" She thought.

Even though she hadn't seen the being yet, an energy of companionship was already present.

She could feel the water rippling towards her. But, the fog was so thick she still couldn't see who had entered the pool. She could feel another sequence of ripples being generated from another direction. Another must have entered without her noticing.

The glass shattered and they fell through. The couldn't see them. The temperature began to rise. The water began to evaporate.

The opened her eyes. The intense light reduced her vision to a blur. She sat up and brushed the dirt off of herself.

Number Thirty Eight ©

Sa was upside down hanging from a tree. He looked across the volleyball net to a kid hanging upside from monkey bars.

He looked to his right across the sandbox to a child hanging upside down from a tree branch.

And to his left, a kid was climbing up a tree and began to get in motion to dangle upside down, as well, with his legs curled around the branch.

Sa looked off towards the horizon where the clouds passed very quickly. The wind was very rapid today.

The kid on the monkey bars began to sway from side to side.

A could older kids began playing with a ball bouncing it back and forth across the net.

Sa borrowed the kids idea and started swaying too.

The other two kids began swaying, as well, before long.

A few young children hopped into the sandbox and began dumping sand into piles.

An adul on a riding lawnmower started up the engine and started driving it across the yard.

Some teen aged kids dribbled a ball on the cement and toss it into a hoop.

A couple young girls drew hopscotch squares onto the ground with chalk.

A helicopter flew overhead, then a woman jumped out with a parachute. The helicopter flew away.

A flock of birds came from the sky and landed on an unused laundry wire. A groundhog and a mole crawled out of the dirt and layed down in the shade, beside a tree.

Sa watched the sky, as the sun slowly moved diagonally across the sky. The clouds stood still and the star moved on its own. Another star emerged from behind the fluffy clouds and it too moved on its own.

Sa noticed how much each leaf moved a slightly different fashion than all the others. The wind made his water. Some of the branches moved, as if their own intelligence instructed them too.

A few beings threw darts at a bull's eye on a tree. Sa just watched.

Number Thirty Nine ©

Sa watched the storm unleash its unprovoked, unchallenged fury upon him.

Lightning struck down the trees standing tall around him. The rain drowned the grass and soaked his clothes. He felt a hundreds pounds heavier. The clouds blocked all moonlight.

The humidity smuggled water into his heart and lungs. His skin was stretched tight, twisting itself around his muscles and bones.

The wind thrashed twigs at Sa like shrapnel from an explosive.

The lightning heated the air, his body wanted to sweat.

He proceded to walk straight ahead. Through the dark. He felt like someone was following but knew that wasn't true.

Who else would sacrifice everything just to find the eye of the storm? Just to sit there serenely among all the chaos. Who else would lie down just to feel the water rising over their face, as branches fell on top of them? Who else would climb a tree and wait for lightning to strike it down, just to experience the fall in perfect darkness? Who else would sing and dance as noisily as they could just because they knew no one could hear? Who else.

Sa embraced the violent winds. He embraced the heated rain and the mad thunder.

He had never felt so comfortable. He wasn't scared, he was so safe and so complete.

Everytime the lightning flashed, the whole sky pregnant with infinitudes of stars was revealed.

Sa sat on a broken tree stump. He realized all the other animals are probably taking shelter too, underground, in caves, under bridges. Sa might have been alone.

He dug his feet into the mud until they were sunken above the ankle. He let himself become entrapped. He stuck out his tongue and tasted the rain.

He drew pictures in the mud with his fingers by the flickering lamp of the storm. He used his elbows as ultra large brushes and his knuckles as medium sized ones. His fingertips were just the right size and sufficed for everything else.

He leaned in and smeared his face in the mud. He didn't want the storm to end.

He got out of the ground and traveled with the storm "It will last forever" he thought, "if I don't leave it."

He wondered if there were ancient cultures who lived in storms. Who traveled with them and ostracized those who left. Maybe the chief would meditate in the center.

Sa felt the winds were weaker in the direction he moved. So he turned around and ran another way. It was so dark, he was lost and confused. He spun in circles as he ran. He had no sense of location whatsoever. Why did his body keep spinning, why did his neck keep swaying and his chin keep bobbing? He waved his arms out wide and his feet took him somewhere.

He thought his eyes were open but it was too dark to tell. He could see just the same when he closed them.

Sa laughed. He saw birds dancing in the sky defying the storm's will, as lightning struck all around them but, missing each time. Other animals must have seen the birds too because he felt a giant wave of courage sweep by. Critters emerged from the ground and acted as if everything was normal. Earthworms and creepy crawlies stuck out their heads. The lightning was too afraid to actually hurt anything with feelings.

The storm wanted beings to believe it was boss but, beneath its front, it was full of warmth.

Maybe this was the secret an ancient culture did discover.

Beings like Sa were last to come out and expose themselves to the storm. Their appearance declared brazenly that they want to see the true face of the storm, "Show me your soul", they declared.

The lightning ceased, the winds fell, the rain stopped. The clouds receded into the depths of the heavens. A single star was chosen from the whole existence and brought glory and light to the world.

Saturday, July 26

Number 16 ©

Invisible Number 16

Sa and Atee once met each other for the first time, again, during a dream their first nap together.

Sa was atop a tree. The tree was shaky and it spun Sa in circles. When he looked to the sky, the spinning stopped and Sa nearly awoke. But, he didn't awake because the ground beneath him was too small too ignore. As he stared longer down, Sa's vision zoomed in and everything was larger, as if he were actually among them. Sa lost himself in this experience. Sa was no longer in his own self but an outside observer.

The beings on the ground mingled and sold pretzels and soda and stared up at Sa in his sole tree, thousands of stories high at the top. Atee was buying nachos.

Sa's vision travelled over shoulders at something else's will, not his own. Sa would have faint relapses remembering falling off the tree but, always the scene would rewind and his body again holding onto the top. Sa dove into a hotdog and was almost chewed by a child. Luckily, he came through the other side and everything was new. There were no beings on this side. Sa felt like he was falling again, but he quickly imagined a ledge to land on. Sa's fear forced the ledge to crumble, his stomach jumped and hung itself in the air while Sa fell. Sa's vision slid down into his free-floating stomach. It was like a waterbed. But, another ledge must have manifested itself because Sa's waterbed bursted and Sa was taken away by the current. A inflated raft-float was beneath him and exciting, exhilirating, breathtaking waters layed ahead. The sky was so open and receiving, the water gentle yet fast, urgent and immediate. As Sa came closer to the edge of the drop, a giant valley the size of the grand canyon was before him. Time had paused for just a long enough moment for Sa to leave his body again and witness the magnificience of this landscape. From all around the canyon water flowed to the center. Like steps, a giant circular, round bowl, each step a majestic waterfall larger than Victoria Falls.

Sa's body was struck by a tingling shock. It resonated all around Sa's skin and settled to his spine. It was soothing and kept recurring. All the urgency to act left Sa's soul. The whole force compelling Sa to work towards something was vanquished. Everything was enough, in fact, plenty.
As Sa was centered in this feeling, time began to play. The current pushed all the water off the edges, millions of gallons a second. The noise echoed so extraordinarily ominously, Sa felt he was out of place, as if he had been sent back in time to the making of a planet or to the extinction of a species. Within him,an irresistable sensation of being out of place, yet also,this is home, this is the only place to be, nowhere else. Sa was so tiny, his raft just the perfect size and as he noticed it, many other beings were relaxing on their own rafts. It was a tremendous, profound, super-significient waterpark.

Sa was pulled back out of his stomach, out of the other side, through the hotdog and back to eye level with the tourists and sight seers and photographers, journalists and other entertainment media.Sa was reminded that his body was still way high in the tree. His vision looked back to the sky. The sky began moving away and the tree grew higher. Both the ground and the sky moved away from him. Sa was being placed somewhere in the middle of them. The world was growing, the universe expanding. Sa felt like he was shrinking but knew that the space between spaces was only becoming more.Sa looked down at the ground even further away, the tree didn't even spin or wobble anymore.

Atee stood at the bottom, the only one not interested in the Sa-Tree spectacle. She sat on a bench and ate her nachos and watched all of the flowers bloom larger and larger. The bench she sat on grew larger, the distance between her and the beings around her grew larger. All of them were pushed even farther away. She looked to the sky and the clouds were being fragmented as they were stretched too thin. The sky was peeling apart. Each layer, each skin, each a new hue and new tones. Lighning struck and the flames grew. The flames began eating the tree. But the tree grew, but the flames grew. The media's interest grew, anticipation and expectations grew.
Lightning struck again, two bolts struck one another.

Atee was the only one watching the lightning battle itself. Everyone was looking in one direction, nobody even turned around to see.

Sa looked over at Atee. His vision moved over to her. Everyone was looking at Sa but Sa hadn't put one eye to them. Sa could feel the heat of the fire and imagined it extinguishing but, it would not be so. The collective will of all the beings was dominant over the will of Sa's. Sa didn't really mind much anyways, just seeing Atee, although miles below made Sa feel less lonely. Atee must have felt someone looking at her because her eyes left the feuding thunderstorms and was directed right to where Sa's eyes were. She knew they were there although she couldn't see them.

Lightning struck a third time and the tree split. The wood splintering, the fire falling, the bottom half of the trunk fell to the ground. The top half was floating off the ground. Sa clung to the top still gazing into Atee's eyes.

The newspeople didn't want the top tree to fall, they wanted it to burn. The fire was dangerously close to Sa's feet. All the blood from Sa's limbs travelled to his feet. And with it travelled Sa's perception.In fact, the perception left its feet and went through the flames. Inside the flames was nothing. It was all an act, the true nature was just jealousy. The flames were just expression of jealousy, nothing but an illusion. Inside it was not even warm or burning, just silence.
Sa kept moving through the sap of the tree. The ghost of the bottom tree still remained, enough for Sa to reach to ground.

Sa moved to the bench and eye level to Atee. Sa came alive on that bench. Atee still staring into Sa's eyes, but not anywhere near the tree. The tree was gone. All the people gone. All the people, gone. Sa and Atee sat on the bench. The lightning gone, the sky gone, the expanding spaces, gone.

Sa's sight left itself once again. It went straight ahead in one direction. It went to where Atee was watching Sa. Their perceptions met each other between their eyes. And kept moving. Sa moved into her eyes and looked through and Atee looked through Sa's eyes. They both saw nothing, they blinked and they saw themselves, they blinked again and they were together.

The sun was high above them. They awoke, both already entirely awake, facing each other. Both together, as themselves.